Throwback to Anatomy

Its been a while since my last post, mainly because the last few months have been crazy. I have a lot of interesting stories to share and I promise I will as soon as I finish up my residency applications! I recently started to tutor anatomy for the first year students and I came upon these old poems that I wrote when I was a first year medical student. It was nice to look back and see how far I have come and how much I have learned during medical school.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Scraping fat away for hours on end

To visualize that elusive artery

That will help you comprehend

The mysteries of cardiology

Or scooping partially digested food

From the meters of GI tract 

Hoping to have accrued

Yet another obscure fact

And worst of all, that putrid stench

Of death and decay prevailing

That no shower can seem to quench

Even as your knowledge is waning

All detract from the underlying brilliance

Of the intricate system that induces

The thoughts, emotions, and resilience

That make us more than flesh and bones

Heartbreaker

Normally gentle, loving and more

I did not hesitate to break his heart 

Severing vessels, cutting to the core

Callously tearing structures apart

Normally sympathetic, patient and kind

I did not hesitate to think of his pain

How his heart ached when she left him behind

Thinking he would never love again

Focusing on mastering the anatomy

I did not hesitate to think of the man

How blood coursed through each artery

For a distinct purpose, part of a plan

Fooled by the calcification and clots

Into forgetting the delicacy of the human heart  

The Silver Tsunami

Silver Tsunami is the term used to describe the massive wave of baby boomers who are now entering the geriatric population. This is a hot topic in medicine given the obvious strain it places on the medical system to take care of the ageing population. After spending a week on my geriatrics rotation, I have to admit that I am relieved to have picked the specialty of Pediatrics, which is on the completely opposite spectrum.

I am not an "ageist," as I completely appreciate and respect the elderly for their wisdom and perspectives on the past, but I find it extremely difficult to take care of them. The majority of the patients have a multitude of chronic medical problems for which they take countless medicines. This picture is further complicated by the fact that most elderly patients are unable to live independently due to some degree of debility. Dementia or simple frailty often necessitate daily care from nursing, physical therapy and occupational therapy just to help these patients complete their activities of daily living.

During our week long rotation we visited numerous centers where geriatric health is administered, including a nursing home, an elder abuse center, and an adult day care center. Coming from a culture where elders are revered, it was really quite shocking to see elderly grandmothers and grandfathers living out the last months to years of their lives in these facilities. I fully understand that the medical problems of the average geriatric patient can far exceed the capacity of the family to care for them, however the family should still be responsible to fulfill the emotional needs of their loved ones. I went to check on a patient who had been living in the nursing home for 2 years and opened with my customary greeting of "how are you feeling, ma'am?," to which she answered "just dump me off somewhere, I'm no good to anyone." I don't think I will ever be able to forget her face or the despair in her voice.

There is certainly a lot of value in being a doctor who helps his patients live the final chapter of their lives in peace, but I don't think I could deal with the fact that most of my patients would die while under my care. The experience put my own life in perspective, again reinforcing the fact that we have no control over our deaths, but we certainly have control over our lives. I hope to use the experience as a reminder to cherish my youth and my health and to encourage others to do the same.        

Teenage Angst

My rotation on Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reminded me of a time in my life I would like to bury forever, but my family will never let me forget...my troubled teens. I was your typical bratty 13-16 year old girl, emotionally labile and overly dramatic. Insecure, but with an over inflated sense of self importance. Luckily I had loving, strict parents and understanding sisters to keep me grounded and out of trouble. I wish the same were true for some of the children I worked with during my rotation.

Of course I had my fair share of patients battling your run of the mill teenage angst, but there were others whose sad eyes and sadder stories will stay with me forever. The social situations some of these kids were born into were the stuff of nightmares and Lifetime movies. I couldn't even imagine how some of these kids were still standing. One girl I worked with had tried to kill herself when the flashbacks of the sexual and physical abuse that her own mother and father inflicted upon her became too strong to bear any longer. I helped one very sweet 13 year old girl deal with the repercussions of her first manic episode, which included a  pregnancy scare and a difficult reintegration into her family. During many family meetings it became evident that the parents were in greater need of psychiatric treatment than the children.

Overall the experience reminded me of just how lucky I was to have a relatively normal upbringing and family and friends who always had my best interest at heart. That makes all the difference in the world. Thank you.