First Cut is the Deepest

Whenever people ask me what field of medicine I want to go into, I usually say, "I'm not sure yet, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to do surgery." That statement was mostly based on stereotypes of what I have heard about surgery...long hours, minimal patient interaction, harsh residents and attendings, etc. etc. etc. Previously the only experiences I had in the operating room consisted of me trying desperately not to contaminate the sterile field while trying to catch a glimpse of what exactly they were cutting or suturing. If I was really "lucky" I got to cut some sutures or staple up an incision, which were both surprisingly terrifying the first time. Among the more glamorous jobs are suctioning up the crazy amount of fluid that pours freely from the body or better yet retracting the bladder. 

My perceptions slowly changed when I got to scrub in on some surgeries with this incredibly awesome urogynecologist. I was ready to feign my enthusiasm for getting to do the menial tasks of a med student when she handed me a scalpel and told me I was going to make the incision. I'm glad that I had a mask on so she couldn't see how far my jaw dropped and reconsider. I probably took about ten times longer to cut because I was pressing so gently and trying really hard not to let my hand shake. With that scalpel in my hand, I realized why surgery is so appealing to so many. You feel pretty powerful slicing through skin, then fascia, then subcutaneous fat, as blood slowly trickles out. After they finished the surgery, the attending told me to close up the incision. I found myself praying that my hours of practicing suturing on sponges and banana peels at home would help me to not look completely inept. With the kind guidance of the fellow, I sewed up the incredibly straight incision that I made. There was something so satisfying about the experience. The resilience of the human body is truly amazing. Now that I have had a positive experience with surgery I can go into that rotation with some excitement rather than complete dread. I still highly doubt that I will go into surgery, but I know now to keep an open mind about everything.